Maybe Baby

So as most of you know, Nate and I have been trying to have a baby for quite some time now (13 months to be exact). Well it has become obvious that something is wrong and we will most likely need some kind of medical assistance to make that dream come true. I go in tomorrow to have a bunch of tests ran and then in a couple weeks I go in for an ultrasound. I guess where we go from there is all dependent on what they diagnose, if anything. I am really hoping that it is something simple that can easily be fixed with meds. I can't afford surgeries or lengthy fertility treatments. We have ruled out Nate being the problem. It's really depressing when you can't create life and give your husband a baby the way a woman is supposed to. I mean, that is what we are for, right? So why can't I? It's not fair. I realize that this happens to a LOT of women, but when it is happening to you, you can't help but feel so helpless and useless. Thank god Nate isn't dying for a baby or I would fear he'd leave me. I realize that modern technology and medicine has come so far and there is so much they can do now for women in this situation, but there's that part of me that is so scared that none of that will work and that I will never have a baby. Nate says he doesn't want to adopt. So where does that leave us? Childless? Forever? The weird thing is, when I was younger I always had 2 inclinations about my life. One was that I wasn't going to be able to have a baby. If this comes true, I fear for the other one cause my other inclination was that I will die at a young age. Maybe they are connected. Maybe what is preventing me from getting pregnant is what will be the death of me. I'm so dramatic aren't I? But I did have those 2 thoughts and the fact that one of them is coming true is kinda creepy. So anyway, I will keep you guys posted. Pray for us, if you do that kind of thing. I think Nate and I would be good parents if we were just given the chance.